The equation of expectation

“Whenever you are happy with something in your life, it is because right now, the conditions of your life match your blueprint, or your belief about how life should be in that particular area.” – Tony Robbins

 

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Me: living my best life during the time I had my dream job (which I thought would last forever.)

In our culture, we are taught that we are not good enough unless we do something mind-blowing and unique. It’s pounded into our brains every day, with social media and even our own self-inflicted pressure to be the best, do the most and do it perfectly. (My assumption was that I’d land my dream job at about 28 and be set for life. Well I landed my dream job way earlier than expected and then my dream job contract ended.)

As you might know by now, Tony Robbins IS MY GUY. His optimism cuts the strings of doubt that I can feel tied down by.

This week, I’ve been focusing on one specific concept:

“Growing and giving are the basis of human happiness.”

Truthfully, this seems way too simple. For longest time, I added about 10-15 different items in that sentence.

“Growing, giving, health, great relationships, phat career, ample creativity, positive environment, traveling often, loving my family…. are the basis of my happiness.”

That’s just the BASE of my overall happiness. The additions kept growing and before I knew it, it was almost impossible to stay happy. I mean look at that list?! How was I to keep 8+ items in a good and flourishing place at ALL TIMES? I had expectations for each of those categories… huge expectations. Those expectations kept me propelling forward at 100 mph with little patience, a feeling of being flooded with disappointment when I didn’t accomplish something, angry with my significant other all the time, hard on myself when I’d miss a workout and comparing myself to everyone else in my lane.

What I’ve come to understand, is that we have a particular blueprint we’ve developed for our lives. This is the image we’ve had in our heads of where we’d be at every stage, in every different category of life: career, relationships, income, lifestyle, health.

What I’ve quickly learned, is that misery is born when we veer off the path of this imagined blueprint, or when we don’t live up to the expectation of our life. If you’re not in the job you imagined you’d be in, if your body doesn’t look or feel the way you thought it would, or if you’re not dating the type of person you always thought you’d be dating, all those expectations are shattered and you feel like sh**.

What is at the root of all this? OUR EXPECTATIONS.

Think about when we intentionally have zero expectations. We go into some situations with the awareness,

“No, I’m not having expectations for this movie because I don’t want to be disappointed.”

HELLO… we know this is something we deal with but for some reason we can step back and apply it to our day to day life. So, because I’m a math nerd I’ve put this in an equation to help further simplify it.

Growing (in any capacity/direction) + giving (caring for others, working toward your bigger purpose) – Expectations = Lasting happiness 

Here’s a question for you. Think of the happiest times in your life. Did you know they were going to happen? Doubtful. The truth is, you never know what will end up making you happy until it subtly creeps on you. Relax and let it happen!

What are you expecting for your life? Have you fulfilled those expectations? Where are they rooted? Great. Now remove them. Release them into the air. Let go of the 300-pound pile of expectation that you’ve been living with and watch your world transform.

In case you’re in need of some more inspiration, a book that has changed the way I see success in this crazy world is The Originals by Adam Grant. This book will keep you growing.

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Comment below with your thoughts. I love hearing just how we all relate to one another, or not!

T.

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Emotions aren’t the boss

IMG_1767-2WE CAN CHOOSE.
Yep, we can choose the way we feel by analyzing the thoughts we have. Emotions and the thoughts that create them are a physical aspect of our bodies, not untamed territory. Something I like to discuss in my yoga classes is that we don’t have to feel what our body is telling us to feel. Our emotions don’t control what we think. WE CONTROL WHAT WE THINK.

Tony Robbins is one of my favorite life coaches because he explains this concept in a very simple way: the thoughts we have are ours alone and sometimes… they may be inaccurate. This word is what fuels this blog today: inaccurate.

If you are easily angered, or having constant thoughts of negativity, then maybe it’s time to step back and think logically about why you are experiencing these certain emotions.

Many times, we can break down our thoughts into sections, or causes and effects to determine how we want to move forward. Changing the thought patterns you’ve developed over the years can help set you on a completely different emotional path. For instance choosing NOT to fight with your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend for a week. Try this: intentionally choose to shut off the quick-to-snap reactions or habits you’ve nurtured and watch your day to day experience change. Watch your relationship improve! Rather than let loose and remove all intention behind your thoughts, set boundaries. Thoughts manifest themselves into action/lack of action and become reality -don’t let your emotional habits determine in what direction your day will go.

 

Hold tight to your thoughts and you will begin to understand the control you truly have. Be intentional and monitor your thoughts like you’re studying for a college final exam. You’re the experiment, not the victim.

 

Questions to ask yourself: 

1. How do I feel right now? Be very specific.
2. What caused me to feel this way? Don’t simply blame it on something or someone external.
3. How long do I want to feel this way for? It’s important to allow yourself to soak up the emotion, just don’t let it overtake you.
4. What is it that I’m forgetting to be grateful for in this moment? Gratitude heals the heart and gives us the power of perspective.
5. Will I laugh about this later? Laughter cures anger better than almost everything.

 

Last Tony quote I’ll leave you with: “It’s not what happens to you, it’s how you communicate what happens to yourself.” 

T.