The equation of expectation

“Whenever you are happy with something in your life, it is because right now, the conditions of your life match your blueprint, or your belief about how life should be in that particular area.” – Tony Robbins

 

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Me: living my best life during the time I had my dream job (which I thought would last forever.)

In our culture, we are taught that we are not good enough unless we do something mind-blowing and unique. It’s pounded into our brains every day, with social media and even our own self-inflicted pressure to be the best, do the most and do it perfectly. (My assumption was that I’d land my dream job at about 28 and be set for life. Well I landed my dream job way earlier than expected and then my dream job contract ended.)

As you might know by now, Tony Robbins IS MY GUY. His optimism cuts the strings of doubt that I can feel tied down by.

This week, I’ve been focusing on one specific concept:

“Growing and giving are the basis of human happiness.”

Truthfully, this seems way too simple. For longest time, I added about 10-15 different items in that sentence.

“Growing, giving, health, great relationships, phat career, ample creativity, positive environment, traveling often, loving my family…. are the basis of my happiness.”

That’s just the BASE of my overall happiness. The additions kept growing and before I knew it, it was almost impossible to stay happy. I mean look at that list?! How was I to keep 8+ items in a good and flourishing place at ALL TIMES? I had expectations for each of those categories… huge expectations. Those expectations kept me propelling forward at 100 mph with little patience, a feeling of being flooded with disappointment when I didn’t accomplish something, angry with my significant other all the time, hard on myself when I’d miss a workout and comparing myself to everyone else in my lane.

What I’ve come to understand, is that we have a particular blueprint we’ve developed for our lives. This is the image we’ve had in our heads of where we’d be at every stage, in every different category of life: career, relationships, income, lifestyle, health.

What I’ve quickly learned, is that misery is born when we veer off the path of this imagined blueprint, or when we don’t live up to the expectation of our life. If you’re not in the job you imagined you’d be in, if your body doesn’t look or feel the way you thought it would, or if you’re not dating the type of person you always thought you’d be dating, all those expectations are shattered and you feel like sh**.

What is at the root of all this? OUR EXPECTATIONS.

Think about when we intentionally have zero expectations. We go into some situations with the awareness,

“No, I’m not having expectations for this movie because I don’t want to be disappointed.”

HELLO… we know this is something we deal with but for some reason we can step back and apply it to our day to day life. So, because I’m a math nerd I’ve put this in an equation to help further simplify it.

Growing (in any capacity/direction) + giving (caring for others, working toward your bigger purpose) – Expectations = Lasting happiness 

Here’s a question for you. Think of the happiest times in your life. Did you know they were going to happen? Doubtful. The truth is, you never know what will end up making you happy until it subtly creeps on you. Relax and let it happen!

What are you expecting for your life? Have you fulfilled those expectations? Where are they rooted? Great. Now remove them. Release them into the air. Let go of the 300-pound pile of expectation that you’ve been living with and watch your world transform.

In case you’re in need of some more inspiration, a book that has changed the way I see success in this crazy world is The Originals by Adam Grant. This book will keep you growing.

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Comment below with your thoughts. I love hearing just how we all relate to one another, or not!

T.

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Emotions aren’t the boss

IMG_1767-2WE CAN CHOOSE.
Yep, we can choose the way we feel by analyzing the thoughts we have. Emotions and the thoughts that create them are a physical aspect of our bodies, not untamed territory. Something I like to discuss in my yoga classes is that we don’t have to feel what our body is telling us to feel. Our emotions don’t control what we think. WE CONTROL WHAT WE THINK.

Tony Robbins is one of my favorite life coaches because he explains this concept in a very simple way: the thoughts we have are ours alone and sometimes… they may be inaccurate. This word is what fuels this blog today: inaccurate.

If you are easily angered, or having constant thoughts of negativity, then maybe it’s time to step back and think logically about why you are experiencing these certain emotions.

Many times, we can break down our thoughts into sections, or causes and effects to determine how we want to move forward. Changing the thought patterns you’ve developed over the years can help set you on a completely different emotional path. For instance choosing NOT to fight with your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend for a week. Try this: intentionally choose to shut off the quick-to-snap reactions or habits you’ve nurtured and watch your day to day experience change. Watch your relationship improve! Rather than let loose and remove all intention behind your thoughts, set boundaries. Thoughts manifest themselves into action/lack of action and become reality -don’t let your emotional habits determine in what direction your day will go.

 

Hold tight to your thoughts and you will begin to understand the control you truly have. Be intentional and monitor your thoughts like you’re studying for a college final exam. You’re the experiment, not the victim.

 

Questions to ask yourself: 

1. How do I feel right now? Be very specific.
2. What caused me to feel this way? Don’t simply blame it on something or someone external.
3. How long do I want to feel this way for? It’s important to allow yourself to soak up the emotion, just don’t let it overtake you.
4. What is it that I’m forgetting to be grateful for in this moment? Gratitude heals the heart and gives us the power of perspective.
5. Will I laugh about this later? Laughter cures anger better than almost everything.

 

Last Tony quote I’ll leave you with: “It’s not what happens to you, it’s how you communicate what happens to yourself.” 

T.

 

5 Rules for establishing a healthy (and abundant) career path

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Have you ever felt yourself stressing out about finances, your current career path or your professional value? Do those things make you instantly feel lost?

Perhaps you’re shifting careers, trying to decide what industry to break into, or simply trying to get your foot in the door ANYWHERE you can.

Regardless of where you are, I’ve developed 5 rules for creating career peace of mind that will pull you out of a career crisis. As a professional who’s worked in corporate, freelance and remote environments, and who’s experienced almost every up and down possible in a short period of time, these 5 rules keep me moving forward, thinking positively and ultimately successful no matter what I do! They introduce the routines necessary to find ease in the trajectory of your career.

 

1. Keep planting seeds

OK – I’m not talking about a real garden here. What I mean is to continually plant seeds in your professional garden. This includes expanding your professional network, following industry trends and job postings, growing your “extra curricular” activities and perfecting your unpaid creative endeavors.

Most opportunities won’t come from blind online applications, they’ll come from the people you’ve met and talked to in person or the passions you’ve perfected. The more you create, the higher chances of success you’ll have. Finally – always imply that you have time for new opportunities when talking to friends and family. Next time someone thinks of a recommendation, they might think of you!

 

2. Develop career grit 

Be ruthless. I’m serious about this one. Whether you’re in a full-time, part-time or freelance position, don’t allow yourself to accept laziness in the workplace. Give your your projects and your team the energy, focus and attention they need. Trade in softness for authority, maintain your personal voice and hold your team accountable. It’s vital to conquer your own limits and extend past what you believe you can accomplish, which sometimes relies upon others.

Either you’ll be someone who complains at work and finds excuses to stay home or you’ll be promoted based on your work ethic, leadership and unyielding enthusiasm. Be better than the complainers, stay committed and be the BEST at what you do. It’s as simple as that.

 

3. Give yourself more time

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Time is something difficult to accept when you’re starting a new position or career. You think to yourself, “I can’t afford to be paid this little. I need to be earning what that guy is earning and NOW.” The truth is, if you’re first starting your career or even beginning a new position, sometimes you’re going to take home less cash than you want to.

To earn more money, you need to prove you have a backbone in business. Honestly acknowledge your work experience and remember that you’ll have to prove to your future employers (and yourself) the value you provide. Give yourself more time. Don’t rush, you’ll end up doing something you hate. If you need money right away, start an investment fund and watch your dollar bills do the work for you.

 

4. Hold on to the triumphs 

Sometimes we have brief moments of spectacular recognition and then before you know it you’re back to the drawing board, looking for your next big gig. What your parents often forget to tell you, is that your career should be a marathon, not a sprint. Small and large victories will be followed by epic failures. This will go on and on until you retire and then it will become personal successes and failures. This is what life is. If you’re expecting to get your dream job and then watch everything fall into place and see money fill your bank account forever, you’ve been fooled.

Jobs end, gig’s end, people forget what you’ve done and your career “fame” can plummet to the ground. Even the most successful people in the world have “made it,” and then they fall flat again…or the market crashes, or your company falls apart. So hold onto the small advances you make in your career, but put them down when it’s time and find your next adventure with humility. Don’t hold onto that one big job you had or that higher salary you acquired for a previous position. You’ll have an epic journey regardless, just keep conquering your own expectations and find optimism for what awaits you!

5. Don’t EVER compare 

Apple and Orange difference

Comparison is the true thief of joy. In our Social Media worlds, we compare now more than ever before and therefore hold ourselves in contempt for not being as epic as someone else. But how will you ever understand your truth and your strengths if they can’t even accurately challenge someone else’s? What you see ISN’T what you get. There will always be someone better than you and there will always be someone worse off than you, no matter what. You’ll never be able to see yourself in the honest glory that you are if you constantly repeat to yourself,

“I don’t have that,” “I don’t look like that,” “I can’t travel like him,” “They got promoted and I didn’t,” “They make way more money than I do,” “How are they getting paid for drinking a smoothie?”

Your path is completely different from everyone else’s. I know it’s easier said than done, but if you expect your track to perfectly align with someone else’s, you’re not setting yourself up to win. Allow yourself a unique, healthy and abundant journey from start to finish. Forego badgering harmful thoughts into your head. Get off Social Media and read an inspirational book. Do more of what makes you truly happy and use it to find a work-life balance. Find gratitude no matter how difficult it may seem and remember that this chapter won’t last forever. You’re always on to bigger and better things.

If you want to read more about what you truly have to offer, read The Originals by Adam Grant.

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This book will prove to you why the most successful people you’ve ever heard of, weren’t born with some magical gene that transcended them into fame and fortune. They were just like you and me.

Comment below with your own story! Have questions? Comment!

T.